


We hate him

by itsnotlove



Series: You're the worst. [1]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Cybersex, M/M, Masturbation, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Quality cinematography (referenced), Questionable choice of underwear, Rented laptops, god i was embarrassed writing this, videos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 19:27:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7327312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsnotlove/pseuds/itsnotlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukumoya and Shizuo share one thing in common: They both think Izaya is a dick, and they both enjoy talking about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We hate him

“You sure it won’t hurt you?”

 

[I’m inside your computer, Shizuo.]

 

“Right, right...”

 

How Shizuo had gotten himself into this mess was a mystery to even him, but he couldn’t say he hated it. Without any grace (or hesitation to think of what he looked like), he shoved a hand down his underwear and readjusted himself. It felt strange and awkward, having underwear this tight, but again, he couldn’t say he hated it.

 

“You’re sure?”

 

[Would you like me to tell you if it hurts.]

 

“You won’t lie?”

 

[I never lie.]

 

“Tch, sure you don’t.” The words sounded less abrasive than they might have under different circumstances, and Shizuo hid his face beneath his palms. “I just… what the fuck.”

 

The screen of his rented laptop blinked patiently as whoever was on the other end waited for him to look up. Finally, after several long seconds, Shizuo realised that he had to read the response rather than shyly listen for it. 

 

[This was your idea, Shizuo. But if you’re too embarrassed, then you can simply change out of the leopard print monstrosity you’re currently wearing and into something more comfortable.]

 

“You don’t like ‘em?” Shizuo looked down at his underwear, letting his fingers play with the ugly taggles that dangled from the string that tied up their sides. “It was recommended online, I thought it was you picking them out...”

 

[Do you believe there are hot singles in your area as well?]

 

“Yeah, I mean… I know they aren’t waitin’ to talk to me personally, I’m not that egotistical.”

 

[Unlike someone…]

 

The computer screen flickered subtly at the thought of a certain someone having no idea that his main information source was as close to in bed with his enemy as possible. Of course, it had nothing to do with arousal. This was just a new experience, and a new way to observe humanity.

 

“Don’t bring him up. I hate that bastard.” Once again, the words lacked any kind of sort of venom, with the hateful edge being replaced by something vastly different. “Don’t say his name in my house.”

 

[Which name?]

 

Shizuo’s cocked twitched as violently as his brow usually did when he was angry. He took a step away from the laptop and flopped himself into his desk chair, letting his hands fall to his thighs. “Don’t.”

 

[I have to say, you’re usually more forthcoming. I really can’t think of a single person who you detest so much that you can’t stand to hear their name.]

 

[Why don’t you tell me about them?]

 

“Tch. You bastard.” He moved his fingertips down between his thighs, pushing and squeezing the soft skin that lay between them. “He’s a fucking creep.”

 

[Is that so?]

 

“Yeah… H-He’s really fuckin’ weird.” Readjusting in his seat, Shizuo moved his hips forward and back as though he were imagining himself doing something different despite the fact he was barely touching himself. “He’s uh, he thinks he knows everything, but he doesn’t know anything.”

 

[He’s inept, a fool’s fool.]

 

“Yeah, that...” Shizuo dug his fingers into his thighs with such force that they’d likely crush metal, but the only effect they had was causing him to squeak quietly. “Fucking… jumpy and shit.”

 

[What else?]

 

“Not… trustworthy...”

 

Allowing his eyes to slip closed, Shizuo finally moved one of his hands up his body and to his lower stomach. His fingertips traced along the edge of his gaudy leopard print bikini bottom, then pushed beneath the fabric roughly. 

 

“Ooh!” 

 

His hips bucked up quickly, the motion nothing more than a blur to the man who was watching. It was no wonder that Shizuo worried about hurting others at times like this, given that he could barely control himself. 

 

“He’s… He lies, a lot. All the f-ahhh-fucking time! Just! Fucking lying!” Shizuo spread his legs a little further as he pushed his hand further into his underwear. He ignored his raging cock, choosing instead to fondle his testicles as he arched his back. “Fucking… bad lies… shitty ones, can’t even keep ‘em straight. Always talk, talk, talk, talking, never any action!”

 

The screen flickered again, much more obviously than it had previously. Tsukumoya wondered why the rest of the world had gone quiet, but put it down to everyone being asleep. It wasn’t as though he’d focus all of his attention on one person, so to think anything else would be ludicrous. 

 

He’d already managed to take quite a few photographs of the performance, though he wasn’t sure which he should send to Orihara. There was no real way of telling which would have the greatest impact.

 

“He’s such a dick!” Shizuo seemed to be oblivious to Tsukumoya’s indecisiveness, likely too distracted by the feeling of his palm rubbing against his shaft to give a shit. “So jumpy! Always… bouncing… bouncing up and down… can’t… fucking-!”

 

With the enthusiasm of someone eating sweets for the first time in years, and the anger of someone who was unable to eat them for years, Shizuo started pumping his cock. He jerked himself furiously, in every sense of the word, until he was breaking out of his underwear.

 

The sound of cloth tearing was overpowered by Shizuo’s curses, which were little more than a certain informants name at this stage, until he was nothing more than a naked man playing with himself the remains of his underwear had turned into a strange leopard print confetti fell from above.

 

“I HATE HIM! FUCKING! IZAYA! FUCK! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! IZAYA, FUCK!”

 

If Tsukumoya had been able to, he was certain that he’d be sitting at the edge of his seat. Feeling as though Shizuo may need a little push to send him into Nirvana, Tsukumoya decided to make good use of the rented laptops speakers.

 

**“Orihara Izaya.”**

 

Shizuo groaned so loudly that the mechanical voice of the computer was almost totally drowned out. He repeated what he’d heard, saying the name over and over, as he came more than Tsukumoya had ever expected. 

 

His hips continued to twitch and buck with the strain well after he’d finished, with only the saddest looking dribble still dripping out. It wasn’t until several minutes had gone by that Shizuo finally opened his eyes, a dazed sort of look on his face as he slowly remembered that he hadn’t been alone.

 

“You… still there?”

 

[Yes.]

 

“Right...” Pawing at the small chunk of leopard print material that had managed to land on his stomach, Shizuo tried in vain to cover himself. “Did I hurt you?”

 

[Don’t be ridiculous.]

 

“Yeah...”

 

[You should shower. You’re filthy.]

 

“Yeah…”

 

With a long sigh, Shizuo stood and stretched himself out. He waved at the camera on the laptop before shutting it, apparently pleased with the days events.

  
  
  
  


******

  
  
  
  


**Somewhere in Shinjuku, a certain apartment…**

  
  


**Orihara Izaya, reborn!**

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Don’t you ever leave your chatroom?

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Ah, it’s you. I’ve been waiting for you.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

For me?

 

**Orihara Izaya**

How sweet. Am I your only friend?

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Would it make you feel better if I said you were?

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Feel better about what? And no, I can’t say I like being physically ill.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

About your lack of friends.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

What are you talking about?

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

I guess that doesn’t mean that people aren’t thinking about you…

 

**Orihara Izaya**

?

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Oh, of course you don’t know about it. Even when it involves you directly, you have trouble keeping up.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Have you finally succumbed to old age? What are you talking about?

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

I have some free information for you. Ah, but I’ve been watching those old spy movies.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

What does that have to do with anything?

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Well, it’s just a warning that what you’re about to receive is for your eyes only, and will self destruct when the time is up.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Why are you being so strange?

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi has sent you a file!**

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

I can’t wait to see your face while you watch this, Orihara.

**Author's Note:**

> ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????


End file.
